Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
