You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
