i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
