I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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