fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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