Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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