shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
