You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize