But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
