so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
