If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i dont even know how to be here
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
