I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
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