Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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