i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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