R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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