I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
