That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
