I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
