At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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