I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
