if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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