the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
