We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She even gives head with a lisp.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
