Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
