you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
