Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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