Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
