i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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