I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
