The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Im part way to drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
