people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
