You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
