Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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