one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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