Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
