Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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