After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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