hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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