I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
