brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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