I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
