my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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