we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
