your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
