you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
