My first STD was from a foam party
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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