Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
