her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
