I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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