If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
