Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
