I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
