Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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