when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
