Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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