so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
