his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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