I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
