i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
