Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
