I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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