Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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