why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
