This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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