Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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