....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
