I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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