she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize