Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
