It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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