Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
