We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
