oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize