I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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