is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
