some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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