Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
