I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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