I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize