My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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