bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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