i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
