hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bring me that man meat
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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