some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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