I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
