Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
