I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
