i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
