So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
