can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
