This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
