i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
