how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
