how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
