oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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