In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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