I'm drive I can fine osifer
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
