You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
