you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
