I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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