I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
