Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
