How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
