She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
