It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
