I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
