i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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