Little spoons don't ask big questions
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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