i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
