I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
