nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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