The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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