if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
