Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
